well hello everyone! its good to be back! i see you have added some new people, dan! some of you i have met...others i have not. WOW i just noticed i am really enthusiastic!...i think it's cuz i've had a pretty good day...although i'm kinda confused and mixed up....I'M LUNCHED! lol ya. This Cory thing....i dunno man...I like him and all and i don't want to hurt him in any way....but i don't think i want to be with him....and ofcourse it's perfect timeing because Brandon told Krysta that he didn't want to be together and he wanted to be just friends so if i tell that to Cory then it'll look like I'm doing it cuz of krysta's and brandon situation! but besides that i had a good day. today was the first time in three days that i didn't come home with a sore ass! but i hurt my wriste a little....nothing major. umm....lol krysta is making fun of brandon and im listening to her laugh on the phone at her msn name! lol its soo funny...she won't stop! oh man...its a riot! so ya i think that's long enough...i actually think its the longest thing i've ever posted....anyways....bye all!

So far so good, sorry to hear about you not being happy leslie, hopefully you get better in time. Anyway, today, i was talking to larua, and we talked about how she cares for chris and shit, and it didn't bother me. She was surprised and so am i. So its a good step in the right direction. So i find out that brookes friend kelly likes someone at pickering high, which is the school she goes too. Either way brooke said shes gonna talk to kelly about me and shit. Diana was the one that told me she likes someone else. I might have a chance with ang again, cuz she doesn't want to be with that cory guy, but i'm not going to presue her, i'm gonna let her come to me, i think thats best. Me and laura are getting much better, we are talking alot more now, we are starting to tell each other stuff again, and how we feel and what is going on in our lifes. So everything seems to be getting better for me. And i jsut wish that it would be the same for some other people. i wish things would get better for them, i hate to see my friends in pain and having problems. I hope prom goes well, but i think that we're gonna need a limo, my mom already said no to taking a car unless her or my dad drives us there and then back, which i dont mind but the thing is that, thats one less person to fit in the car, meaning someone has to go, and most likely laura, cuz my parents dont like her. Well i just found out that laura wont come with us unless chris is there, so thats perfect we dont need to pay for a limo, my parents will do as a limo driver, and my benz will do as the limo. and its free. Prefect. Anyways, i'm going to go now, stupid "that 70's show" sucks, cuz its a rerun, i thought that at 8 on a wednesday its a new episode. o well, cya

im very muchingly not .... but fuck thats me ........ so enjoy ... at least one of us can

Man, I'm in a good mood. This has been a real good day. Maybe cause I had no morning classes to go to. I even failed a sociology test and it doesnt bother me in the least. Someone hit me with a baseball bat, I want to see if I feel it. I have a feeling things are going to stay good for a while. But hell, I'm always this irritatingly optimistic. Anyone else having a good time lately?

way to go casey, good job, do it again

Now thats just not fair. There weren't that many irish drinking songs. Its the Final Fantasy videos that take up all the space. And there was only one hentai file....and it wasn't real hentai....I only downloaded it cause it sounded funny. How was I supposed to know it would be that dirty.

haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha

Casey u are a crack head man...what is all that shit u downloaded on to my computer.
From now on my computer is off limits to anyone but me on the weekends...Im tired of having to delete a bunch of shit so my comp will fuckin run properly.
Just last weekend alone casey downloaded 7gig worth of irish drinking songs and hentai...and now im sick of it...from now on no more computer.

sorry bout that female post out burst ..... do as ya like

well i can flex my toes up without a problem now and i can put pressure on the heel ... but pressure on the toes is a whole new story .......Leslie (being I) is getting REAL fucking tired of this shit and WILL be running next week ... any one wants to join him ... they are welcome ...... but im not sure when he will be running (time wise).
This billiards club shit is going kickass, im sure fucking glad that i joined it or i would have missed alot of fun.
Im going to enjoy flirting with this Catherinegirl ... considering its already been seen ... hehe .... Dan can justify this ... she seems to be flirting with me. :D (i think her name is Catherine ... but we havent been formally introduced...which blows ... but doesnt seem to be holding her back lol)
Gotta love throwing a game eh Dan ... i played shit all through that game ... and dunno why ... but purposely chased the 8 with the cue to lose ... thats the second time ive throw the game to her ... even ask Mr.Wolsh ... he's watched me play plenty of time and seen me hit harder shots then those that she was leaving me ... i guess he knows that i threw the game .... but i dont really care lol 'sall good.
Dan is it just me ... or did it seem that she wanted me to give her a massage while she kept dancing around me ...hehe ....we'll see ... hehe I'll see ... this could be more interesting then i originally thought it would turn out to be ...
take it easy all ....

AND LETS GET SOME FEMALE POSTS DAMN IT ............ hehe

i just have one thing to say, i couldn't have wished for a better group of friends.

Indeed there would have been nothing that any of us could have done to help dan if that were to have come to pass. We are all glad that it didnt of course .... and i hope that noone in my life has to experience something to that effect ... it no picknick ... its not even your worst nightmare ... its a whole new level of hell ... and i sure as fuck hope i never go back cause id kill my self there after if i lost my friends that i have now, in the same matter that i lost kyle.

From now on guys ... noone talks about anything depressing or they'll feel my fist pressing into there kidney faster then they knew i could hit before .... gimp or no gimp ... my fists can go pretty fast even if i cant walk there that fast to get them close enough to reach :S

Booke, Diana, Dan ... glad to see your all gonna make it through this and just keep it that way damn it.

If you'll pardon me i cant see anymore ....

sorry bout last night guys...all that talk of death really hit me...guess its just because i havent talked bout my grandfather for a while(like 5 years)...and he was a big part of my life back then...I guess u can say i really started to hide my emotions after he died cause he was really important...last night just brought them all back up to the surface.
The worst part is it all came as a shock to me...I was told that he was in the hospital but what i didnt know was how serious it was...and the day before i was going to go see him, i woke up for school on the morning of the terry fox run(coincidence...maybe) and my brother just walks in the room all calm and cool and says, "Grandfather is dead", then walks away like nothing is wrong...so i went to ask my mom what was goin on and she was balling her eyes out, and confirmed my grim fear that my grandfather passed away early that morning...after that i just sorta became the man i am today...i was really irritated with my parents for not letting me skip school to go see him...they told me it was better for me...but i got over it and here i am today.
WOW...that was one of the hardest things for me to ever type...OK im stopping now because i need time to reflect...but i really should go to work, so maybe ill see u guys tomorrow if i come to school.
on the same sort of note, i would just like to say to brooke and diana if u r reading this that i heard about ur accident and im really gald ur ok, I dont think any of us could have really have helped dan if he lost u.

well its 11am and i'm at matts with casey and leslie, man, last night was great. I was drunk for about 12 hours

That's what I've been saying all along. Life is too short to be focusing on unhappy stuff, so everyone should focus on making themselves and their friends happy. The top priority for everyone should be having fun with the people they care about. Everything else is insignificantly insignificant. Happiness is the greatest trait of humanity. To reject or ignore the things that will bring us happiness is the most deplorable waste of our lives. Now if you will excuse me, my optimistic attitude is making me nauseous...

guys i've had enough of this shit, i'm sick of losing people. Brooke and Diana almost died thursday night, and i'm glad that they are ok, but i dont think that i can deal with all this shit, i mean what if they did die. Then what. Thats way to much to juggle all at once. I mean i already lost the one that i love, and to lose my best friend and a really really good friend, that is always there for me. I dont think i could live like that, thats too many people in too short of a time. I'm glad they are ok. I get to see brooke today, so i'm gonna make sure that the time isn't wasted. Live for every moment, cuz you never know when people could leave your live!

yo casey ....... iwas kidding about that shit where isaid it was you ... cause it was me damn it .......... glarb ........ 6 months is a long mother fucking time god damn it ..... no way im waiting that long ...... i give it til lthe end of next week .... then if i fall over when i jump on it ...... i think i might be fucked ........god damn . this is all i needed ... something else to go the fuck wrong ..... and matt about what you said about chris's house issues ..... i know everything that is going on .... and im rather certain that many others do not ...... and im not in the position to speak of it so dont any one bug me or else fear my rath. Weekend should be fun ..... i hope you guys enjoy it cause im sure as fuck not doing anything based on the fact that i cant ..... but ah fucking well. I got my music ... DBZ .. porn .. and what have you's so ill be aight. Take it easy all .... i guess ill see the most of you's on monday ... monday is my demonstration day ... well more like my ankles demonstration day ... if she works going up the stairs with minimal hassle ... i continue the week as though its a normal school week ... if monday doesnt work for my foot ... tuesday i wont be there .... and ill determine if i show thereafter. I hate having to be cautious ... all my friends no me for being the exxact oppostie ... i mean fucking eh .. talk to butchy .... when piped him in the face by accident ... i sure as fuck wasnt being cautious .... it was a god damn 30 foot long plastic pipe ..... and he ended up writing his name in blood on the trailors roof cause of me .....he knows it wasnt delebrate ..... but i know i wasnt cautious. Well its gonna be fun to see how this shit turns out ... cant wait til lthe next time i fuck my ankle up .... problably take 3 years to fucking heal properly based on the way its going now. C yas all on msn im out

if chris and laura are there then their there dont cause any trouble matt. I'm not saying invite them and i'm not saying dont invite them. Whatever you do is whatever you do and that is your choice and i'm not part of any of it.

As for this weekend Dan, I dunno about chris and laura...i dont know if anyone is coming, its all still up in the air.
As for your other statements dan...i dont know what it feels like and actually i have no idea, but i think it will pass with time spent with your friends...just come over this weekend and ill do my best to make sure chris and laura arent here so we can chat, so that means casey your comin too.

let me ask you all one thing...

Have you ever loved somebody so much / It makes you cry / Have you ever needed something so bad / You can't sleep at night / Have you ever tried to find the words / But they don't come out right / Have you ever, have you ever / Have you ever been in love / Been in love so bad / You'd do anything to make them understand / Have you ever had someone steal your heart away / You'd give anything to make them feel the same / Have you ever searched for the words to get to their heart / But you don't know what to say / And you don't know where to start / Have you ever loved somebody so much / It makes you cry / Have you ever needed something so bad / You can't sleep at night / Have you ever tried to find the words / But they don't come out right / Have you ever, have you ever / Have you ever found that one / You've dreamed of all of your life / You'd do anything to look into her eyes / Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to / Only to find that one won't give their heart to you / Have you ever closed you eyes and / Dreamed that they were there / And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care / Have you ever loved somebody so much / It makes you cry / Have you ever needed something so bad / You can't sleep at night / Have you ever tried to find the words / But they don't come out right / Have you ever, have you ever / What I gotta do to get you in my arms baby / What I gotta do to to your heart / To make you understand how I need you next to me / Gotta get you into my world / 'Coz baby I can't sleep / Have you ever loved somebody so much / It makes you cry / Have you ever needed something so bad / You can't sleep at night / Have you ever tried to find the words / But they don't come out right / Have you ever, have you ever

Again why do i fucking feel like this? i hate this shit, i just wish that i didn't have emotions, i wish i never knew what love felt like, i wish i never knew what it felt like to lost someone that you love, i wish i could just die.

Another day is going by / I'm thinking about you all the time / But you're out there / And I'm here waiting / And I wrote this letter in my head / 'Cuz so many thing were left unsaid / But now you're gone / And I can't think straight / This could be the one last chance / To make you understand / I'd do anything / Just to hold you in my arms / To try to make you laugh / Somehow I can't put you in the past / I'd do anything / Just to fall asleep with you / Will you remember me? / 'Cuz I know / I won't forget you / Together we broke all the rules / Dreaming of dropping out of school / And leave this place / To never come back / So now maybe after all these years / If you miss me have no fear / I'll be here / I'll be waiting / This could be the one last chance to make you understand / And I just can't let you leave me once again / I close my eyes / And all I see is you / I close my eyes / I try to sleep / I can't forget you / Nanana (....) / And I'd do anything for you / I'd do anything / To fall asleep with you / I'd do anything / There's nothing I won't do / I'd do anything / To fall asleep with you / I'd do anything / 'Cuz I know / I won't forget you

For some reason i feel upset again, maybe its just the harsh reality hitting me again, but i'm not sure, i think i to drink alot this weekend, and be around my friends, matt is laura and chris gonna be there on saturday? cuz i dont know if i'll be ok, so i might not come if they are there, but if i'm drunk before i go then i dont mind, unless i'm just gonna get more upset but we'll have to see. i might go home.

Im all for that bar idea dan...that is the one thing we need right now...another reason to drink.

Dan, It's great that things are getting better. I new people were mature enough to handle it. Soon everything will be smoothed out. Leslie, sorry if your leg was my fault at all. I hate to cause other people troubles, especially when its something so serious. Dan, that would be cool for you to have a bar. But you better Irish it up a lot. Not like your german bar at your house with the small glasses and bottles of mysterious german booze with ladders in them. We'll all be your regulars and you can give us free drinks...at least sometimes...right?

ok well actually, the site is finished for now, i got it all down, and i didn't fuck up this time. If you guys have a quote to put up let me know and i will put it in the favourtive quote box, or quote of the day, or what ever you want to call it. Anyways, i talked to chris about sitting with us at prom and he said he has to talk to some people and stuff, and then get back to me on it. He sounded surprised when i asked him, but i still dont think he likes me that much. Either way i told him i dont have a problem with him or laura, and if he still doesn't like me then thats his issue there isn't anything i can do about it. I also asked him if i could ahve one dance with laura, was it a bad idea to do that, he said it was up to laura, and that he was glad i asked. I mean i still care for her and that is the girl i would say gave me the greatest time in my high school life so far, i think i should get to share one dance with her at prom. Anyways like leslie said take it easy, dont get killed like he did. Oh and i think i might open up a bar as a career in the future, would any of you be willing to support me, as in come and drink at my bar. It will be just like my house but you dont need to bring any booze.

Leslie is going to clear shit up ........ NO LAURA DIDNT DO THIS TO MY FUCKNIG ANKLE DAMN IT ....... i dont care what any of you think ..... she just kicked my shins damnit . If it was anyone that did this to me it was CASEY and noone else ... (besides me)
While Casey was running i was chasing the ball ... he turned around me and i had to stop and turn back to run after to ball. When i stopped i heard my ankle pop and felt a litte bit of tension go onto the muscle. THAT is when my ankle got fucked ... everything there after was just addition to it. Yes when laura kicked me in the shin my calve started going into spasms and started pulling my ankle muscle and made it worse but then again it had already started fucknig itself and me not getting off of it was my undoing. Stop thinking it was her .. stay off her case about it and just remember that i did it to myself. Bastards.

ok one step at a time i am changing the site so be patient, it will take some time, by the end of friday it will be done.

Drinking this weekend, eh. Count me in. I finally have my good drinking mood back. So as long as no one does anything to depress me before then....I'm set. Sorry about last weekend Matt. I know how much you wanted to get drunk. Now that I think about it. I almost have enough change in my wallet for another mickey to replace the one on friday. Which is good cause I just know the one mickey I have left is getting lonely.

thats brings about a sigh of relief, so leslie is that the only thing you have against laura?

Dan you dont need to worry about a fight starting because of you...anything that has started recently has been his doing, and i think it will remain that way for a while.

i just hope that, i'm not getting in the way of anything cuz thats the last thing i want to do is get in the way of a friendship. I really feel uncomfortable with how chris acts when i am brought up. it makes me feel uncomfortable when i'm hanging out with you guys, cuz i know chris is sitting probably thinking that i'm stealing his friends away and shit, and trust me thats the last thing i need right now is a fight starting cuz of me, i'm having a hard enoguh time dealing with laura, i dont need to deal with him as well. anyways let me know what you guys think.

Ok matt you sparked some curiousity in me, i think i might have some idea of what happened at chris's a few weeks ago but i'm not to sure. And as far as i know matt you and i have had some talks about how he doesn't tell anyone anything about it. Could that be what it is, if not just tell me and thats the end of it. However if it has something to do with laura, could i possibly know. Anyways school today was garbage, matt you missed nothing in math at least i think you missed nothing. O well, Matt its good to know that if it comes down to it that you would choose to hang with me, but i just hope that it never has to come to that. That was already evident when laura wasn't going to go to soccer yesterday, and then when liz and i didn't go, she showed up. Meh what can you do, hopefully i will be out hanging around again, this weekend i just want to get fucking plastered out of my mind, and i was wondering does anyone want to join me? anyways thats it for me today i have alot of english shit to get done over the next few days and i really to make sure that it gets done. So cya at school or later on msn. Leslie you better get better.

I have a question of curiousity that i am putting out too anyone who has any idea...Has chris told anyone about what happened in his household a few weeks ago?...those who have any idea, you know what i mean, and the others just dont worry about this......I just wanna know who knows not what you know.

Matty you seem to have gotten the down pat ... chris asked me if i didnt want laura to come to the soccer game the other day ... and well i did as i should ... i didnt say no i dont want her to come ... but i sure as fuck didnt say i wanted her there ... and i asked him a question that i knew the answer to ... was just looking for reassurance. I said Chris ... Does Laura hate me or is she just afraid of me? ...his responce was that of a "buh????????" ...then i told him not to BS me cause im just a dumb ass not a fucking retard ... he asked why id ask such a thing and i explained how she reacts near me ... how she hides from me ... never says anything to me ... im considered it to be my assholish nature ... but it seems that my self as aan ass hole ... has mainly disipated from when i was a total jerkass mofo .... but i can still be an ass at times, i asked again ... If she was afraid of me and he finally said yes because im "intimidating" even though she sure as fuck doesnt know ME ... or even the ME from the past ... that you would refer to as psychotic rather then violent. I dunno maybe i am fucked in the head and maybe my natural loudness can scare some people ... guess im glad ive got the friends i do cause i obviosly cant make any more.

Well either way ... both my legs are fucked right now ... i cant stand up onto my right foot cause my foot ankle and knee are fucked and i cant stand onto my left leg cause my calf is fucked and i dislocated my hip so i guess i be seeing you guys around through this shit and msn and such.

Take it easy ... any one needs to contacts me ... justcall my house ... but ... i will take a while to get to the phone .... so be patient.
later

Dan, you are right about how many people this thing between chris and laura are effecting...at least long time friendships...due to the fact that them going out puts alot of people in the middle...most of which do not want to be there...and that is not fair. chris seems to be getting offended from time to time when we mention your name, and gets really angry, this reaction puts me and others on the spot in an attempt to force us to 'choose', on one side there is dan, a friend for a couple of years and only became as close as we are until recently, and on the other side is laura, someone i pretty much just met and seem to be alright around. If I am forced to choose from that i will choose dan.
The other factor in this whole thing is chris...and here is what I have to say bout him.
I think that chris has already managed to fuck up his close ties to myself and possible others by avoiding us and leaving us in the dark when he was hurting... and in turn has managed to push us away. This could be the reason that he feels left out, but it is his own doing...so fuck him.

the way this looks is only temperary, i have to start all over again, cuz i messed around with one to many things at once, and i dont know what the fuck happened. I know what some of you are saying. "Stupid German!" i know i know, i will fix it but i dont think i'll be doing that tonight, based on the fact that i was working on it all day today. So maybe tomorrow.

sounds like laura and chris have upset alot of people, by going out. I was talking to sarah crone and she said that tara doesn't want to put laura and chris at their table cuz it will upset some people that are there. I wonder how many people they have actually effect. everyday it seems to get worse. this is not going away quick enough, it doesn't seem to have an end, you think that as the days go by things get better but it doesn't seem that way. Must carry on with life though.

Ok i am getting really pissed with this blog, right now, take alook down at leslies quotes, but you have to actually go to the site that its posted on. (germanworld.blogspot.com) I will fix it. Anyways what do you think of how it looks so far. i will be makeing some more changes. but now i'm tired. Fuck damn blog, i might have to start from the beginning again, start with a new template and edited again just likei did to this one. O well i woont take that long. Cuz i know were i fucked up.

my bad ... thanks matt its is called "The Game" not "Voices" .... seems that i was listening to "Voices" while typing .... my bad.

The lyrics posted by Leslie are that of "The Game" by Disturbed not "Voices"...Dan you were right about that...I think Les just cant get that song out of his head...aint that right Les.

You put the lyrics to a different song, thats not voices. o well, when you find out what song it is can you tell me cuz it sounds like a good song.

your pretty much on the ball with the lyrics, i dont know about voices, but i know you were accurate with the lyrics from prayer. What do you mean by, going ou tand making those songs? as far as i know none of us writes songs. So i'm just guessing your talking about the artists them selfs. I a very pessimistic person, and i doubt, that until i find someone that is worth it, that there is no one worth it. And i know that the next time i go into a relationship i'm gonna be scared, and worried, and i know that its not a good way to be while going into a relationship. But that person will just have to understand, because at the moment i have a very low amoutn of trust in people. My trust in people is lost easily and not regained easily. Thats something that i have to work on. Anyways what do you mean that it fucks up alot when your trying to type, what happens, all i know is that you cant type right now.

i hate this blog shit .... it fucks up alot while im trying to type damn it

but then again ....... we all have our battle scars ... its just how we wear them that seperates the men from the boys

I know dude its hard we all know it ..... its more like its shit and notworth it .... but soon enough it WILL be worth it and all the SHIT will be threw with

Time = Bitch
but
Time = Healer Of Wounds

its bad when we can find songs that reflect into our selves ... but its SAD when we have to go out and MAKE those very songs ....

"The Game" by Disturbed

Tell Me EXactly What I Am Supposed To Do / Now That I Have Allowed You TO BEET ME / Do You Think That We Could Play Another Game / Maybe I could Win This Time / I Kind Of Like The Misery You Put Me Through / Darling You Can Trust Me COMPLETELY / If You Even Try To Look The Other Way / I THINK THAT I COULD KILL THIS TIME!!!! / (Ra Ra) / It Does'nt Really Seem I'm Getting Through To You / Though I See You Weeping SO SWEETLY / I Think That You Might Have to Take Another Taste / A LITTLE BIT OF HELL THIS TIME!!!! / (Ra Ra) / LIE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! / (Ra Ra) / LIE TO ME!!!!!!!! / IS SHE NOT RIGHT? / IS SHE INSANE? / WILL SHE NOW / RUN FOR HER LIFE FROM THAT BATTLE THAT ENDS THIS DAY? / IS SHE NOT RIGHT? / IS SHE INSANE? / WILL SHE NOW / RUN FOR HER LIFE NOW THAT SHE LIED TO ME!!!!!!!!! / You Always Wanted People To Remember You / To Leave Your Little Mark On SOCIETY / Well Don't You Know Your Wish Is Comming True Today / ANOTHER VICTIM DIES TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! / (Ra Ra) / LIE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! / (Ra Ra) / LIE TO ME!!!!!!!! / IS SHE NOT RIGHT? / IS SHE INSANE? / WILL SHE NOW / RUN FOR HER LIFE FROM THAT BATTLE THAT ENDS THIS DAY? / IS SHE NOT RIGHT? / IS SHE INSANE? / WILL SHE NOW / RUN FOR HER LIFE NOW THAT SHE LIED TO ME!!!!!!!!! / Is She Really ........ / Telling Lies Again......... / Doesn't She Realize .......... / She's In Danger ....... / IS SHE NOT RIGHT? / IS SHE INSANE? / WILL SHE NOW / RUN FOR HER LIFE FROM THAT BATTLE THAT ENDS THIS DAY? / IS SHE NOT RIGHT? / IS SHE INSANE? / WILL SHE NOW / RUN FOR HER LIFE NOW THAT SHE LIED TO ME!!!!!!!!! / The Little Bitch She Went And She Told,A Lie!! / And Now She Will Never Tell Another, A LIE!! / The Little Bitch She Went And She Told A Lie!! / NEVER FUCKING LIE TO ME!!!!!!

- Both songs typed out by me were from memory ... so if the lyrics are a little fucked up or if they differ from the lyrics that of the slips of paper that come will the cd's .... i dont fucking care thats how the songs sound to me ... butsince i am kinda half deaf a little ... they could very wellingly be fucked up indeed.

Either way ... 2 great songs ... both that tie into shit for me ... and very personally at that.
I'll let you know the song ... but not the story ... i like to keep that to myself thanks

(yeah sadly i even Typed Things Out Making Sure Every Word Had A Fucking Capitol First Letter Cause IM A FUCK NUT .... but then you all that know me, know that)

i know, i was listening to prayer yesterday, and i put it in my msn profile, cuz it is a song that gets to me too. But i still want to know what that other song was, the one you showed we saw the video for at your house on TV when your sister was watching TV with us. And then you told me that prayer was a better one, so you showed me that one after.

"Prayer" By Disturbed

Another Dream That Will Never Come True / Just To Compliment Your Sorrow / Another Life That I've Taken From You / A Gift To Add On To Your Pain And Suffering / Another Truth You Can Never Believe / Has Crippled You Completely / All The Cries Your Begginging To Hear / Trapped In Your Mind And The Sound Is Deafining / LET ME ENLIGHTEN YOUUUUUU !!!! / THIS IS THE WAY I PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! / Living Just Is'nt Hard Enough / Burn Me Alive Inside / Living My Life's Not Hard Enough / Take Everything Awaaaaaaay / FUCK!!! / Another Nightmare About To Come True / Will Manifest Tomorow / Another Love That I've Taken From You / LOST IN TIME ON THE EDGE OF SUFFERING / Another Taste Of The Evil I Breed / Will Level You Completely / Bring To Life / Everything That You Fear / Live In The Dark And The World Is Threatening / LET ME ENLIGHTEN YOUUUUUU !!!! / THIS IS THE WAY I PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! / Living Just Is'nt Hard Enough / Burn Me Alive Inside / Living My Life's Not Hard Enough / Take Everything Awaaaaaaay / FUCK!!! / RETURN TO ME / RETURN TO ME / RETURN TO ME / TURN TO ME / LEAVE ME NOONE / TURN TO ME / RETURN TO ME / RETURN TO ME / TURN TO ME / CAST ASIDE / RETURN TO ME / RETURN TO ME / RETURN TO ME / TURN TO ME / LEAVE ME NOONE / TURN TO ME / RETURN TO ME / RETURN TO ME / YOU'VE MADE ME TURN AWAY / Living Just Is'nt Hard Enough / Burn Me Alive Inside / Living My Life's Not Hard Enough / It TAke Everything From YOU!!! / Living Just Is'nt Hard Enough / Burn Me Alive Inside / Living My Life's Not Hard Enough / Take Everything Awaaaaaay

- Sadly this song ties right into my heart and rips me in half ... but the only thing sadder .... is that there is another ... that tears even deeper...and scars me for life

casey i agree with you, that soccer game was fun, and it was nice seeing laura again and being civil with her but i knew it wouldn't last, once the fireworks ended i broke down, thats why i went and sat on the hill. i was looking up at the stairs, it reminded me of the days when laura and i would just spend hours looking into the sky, it was so nice back then. but like you said we have to make the best of the situation and just try and have fun. I just have to keep away from things that remind me of her and the great times we had together. when i really think about it was the best time of my life, and i thank her for it, too bad it didn't last. But it was an expirence i for sure will never forget. The negative side of our relationship i will use to learn from. And make sure that there is 100% communication between me and how ever i may be with. Because, i only date if i think i will be with that person for a while. other wise its not fair to myself or to the other person. Brooke asks me all the time why do such nice people always get the bad relationships. but like i said, i dont think my relationship was that bad. Maybe i'm just in a really good mood right now or maybe thats the truth i dont know. For a long time now i have been having really bad mood swings, and i cant seem to control them. Certain things set me off and it always has something to do with laura. She has become a great stress in my life. She used to be the joy of my life, you know shed make the sun shine a bit brighter, make the days alittle bit more warmer, and it seemed it was done just for me and her. now with out her, the days are gray, and cold. i miss her.

Hmmm...what to type...what to type...Well, Dan, I can really empathize with you. You'd think being a nice guy would keep you from getting hurt somewhat. But its just not that fair. So all you can do is make the best of the situation and try to protect yourself from more pain. That was a fun soccer game last night and it was very nice to see that you and Laura could be civil to each other. Chris and Laura seem to be the center of stress now. Everyone they encounter has their own frustrations and its all linked to them in some way. Its creating a big rift amoung a large group of friends. But everyone has to learn to get over it so we can all just have fun. Ya, I'm an idealist. But who knows, maybe we are all really mature enough to make it work. For now lets just try and work around it. Have as much fun as possible and keep our minds off the negative things.

"Every step I take, every move I make / Every single day, every time I pray / I'll be missing you / Thinkin of the day, when you went away / What a life to take, what a bond to break / I'll be missing you"

well tonight was interesting, i went to play soccer, and guess who came with chris. My buddy derek can vouge for how pissed i was cuz i was leaving a message on his cell phone it was all swearing. Oh and get this she wants to be my friend and she doesn't hate me. Guys i dont know what to do, why do i have to be put through this. I dont know if it was that bad. the only time it bothered me was when they actually looked like they were going out, you know holding hands, touching each other and shit like that. The night wasn't a total waste, we watched some fireworks. Brooke why cant i call you. i need to talk to you. Or even kim. i feel so alone and empty inside, i have no idea what to do with myself anymore. Cuz shes happy with chris and i just wish i was him. its not fair you know, the only thing i ask for, has to be taken away from me. I was so happy when i was with her. now life is just ass. i'm goind ot go now, cuzi cant seem to hold back the tears and the pain. Goodbye.

"I faintly remeber breathing, on your bedroom floor, where i layed and told you, but you swear you loved me more"

well lets see, right now ang is leading me on, and before that it was laura, and i just wish poeple would really stop, cuz i mean do you think i deserve that, is it fair to me that these girls lead me on. What do i do wrong? I'm a nice guy aren't i kim? you and me are good friends, even after we went out, and do you have any problems with me aside the fact that i went out with laura, but thats ok, i hate myself for it too, but for some reason i do miss her and still think about her. I make fun her and stuff but i just think i'm in denail and trying to make my self feel better, but is it actually working? I dont know. i wish i could get over her. Oh and yes brooke we are going to porm. You and me. And then next year i'm coming to yours. I cant wait. I also cant wait until tomorrow when we go for lunch, that should be fun, and petes not gonna be there, i wish i could say something to him next time. Who does he think he is that, he thinks he can come inbetween us. Brooke you have been there for me since the beginning, and i hope your with me right until the end. Kim you too, you help me so much, and your actually from the school so you know who the people are and how they are. Diana, diana i can not thank you enough, if it wasn't for brooke i would neer have met you, and missed out on a great friendship, you are always there and you have been through what i have and am going through so you exactly what to say. i couldn't have asked for a greater bunch of friends.

Ok Dan look i am posting something..... i don't know what to write though. Oh well.... life really sux right now cause i am still sick and i can't get back to normal. I have been sick since like Feburary. Being sick has an up side though, i can get out of some english deadlines. And Dan who exactly is leading u on?

I WISH PEOPLE WOULD STOP LEADING ME ON!

Oh my god, yesterday was so great, i was so hyper and did so many dumb things, it was great, and the best part was it was free, i didn't need any alcohol or drugs. What a great day just driving around talking to strangers, man that was great. That movie wasn't that great though, it was a movie that my dad would watch, you know a war type movie were there is more talking then action, Bah its not a great movie, but it had me so confused. I never expected the ending to be like that. And there are so many movies that are coming out soon, and i have to see them all cuz there are amazing by the looks of it. Anyways you guys have to start posting on my blog again, and now i'm confused, cuz i dont know whats going on in life, i need to talk to some people and figure on whats going on. Actually you know what i think i'll just sit back and wait and see what happenes, lets hope that its good. Anyways i'll tlak you all later cya. Oh and kim start posting something.....

I'm in a really good mood and i dont know why. So my agenda tonight is to see ang and pam, and least i think pam is gonna be there, anyways that should be fun. Its sort of a preget together before the park opens in two weeks, i so cant wait, and one f the first nights i'm gonna burn everything i have that luara gave me, i already throughout that stupid nut that each of us had. It was back from when things were good, while we were waiting for my bus one day, during my spare at the end of the day we each picked up a achorn, i dont know why but at the time it was something between us. Well thats gone now, now thats left is that box of pictures, notes, gifts, and anything else that i think will remind me of her. i dont know what she did with all my stuff and i really dont care, if she gives it back thats good too, cuz then i can burn that too. Anyways the only thing i'm keeping is that hacky sack because its a good hacky sack, and we kick it around so really its kicking something that she gave me, so its a stress releaver, anyways i'm glad shes gone. Today is wanted to go up to that guy that tryed to break us up in november, and tell him thati liked his effort but he should ahve tried harder so that no matter waht i wouldn't go back, he could have saved me some trouble. Anyways all is good now, shes a whore and i'm still a great guy. Anyways talk to you all later. Guys i love you all, you are all such good friends. thanks alot for always standing by me. Enjoy life, forget the evil. Cya

haha i think i'm finally rid of her, i blocked her and deleted her from everthing. hehe score one for me.

I'm not sure if i should post this but i think i will anyways, some of you might get mad at me, and so you have the right too but again it is the way i feel and i cant help it, so i leave you with these lyrics to the song Addicted by Simple Plan. During my english exam today i thought of something to post taht was really good, it was about how i felt and about laura and shit, but i cant remeber it, i knew i should have wrote it down... anyways here the song....

i heard youre doing OK / but I want you to know / im addic- / im addicted to you / i can't pretend i dont care / when you dont think about me / do you think i deserve this / i tried to make you happy / but you left anyway / im trying to forget that / im addicted to you / but i want it / and i need it / im addicted to you / now it's over / cant forget what you said / and i never want / to do this again / heartbreaker / heartbreaker / heartbreaker / since the day i met you / and after all weve been through / im still addic- / im addicted to you / i think you know that its true / i'd run a thousand miles / to get you / do you think i deserve this / i tried to make you happy / i did all that i could / just to keep you / but you left anyway / im trying to forget / that im addicted to you / but i want it / and i need / im addicted to you / now its over / cant forget what you said / and i never / want to do this again / heartbreaker / heartbreaker / how long will i be waiting / until the end of time / i dont know why im still waiting / i cant you make you mine / im trying to forget / that im addicted to you / but i want it / and i need it / im addcited to you / im trying to forget / that im addicted to you / but i want it / and i need it / im addicted to you / now it's over / cant forget what you said / and i never want to do this again / heartbreaker / heartbreaker / im addicted to you / heart breaker / im addicted to you / hreat breaker / im addicted to you / heart breaker / im addicted to you / heart breaker

wow this weekend was great, well friday night was the best night out of the two, i drank way too much, i puked and so did leslie, you had to be there that night it was so fun. At one point we were all in a hudle and we just talked for so long, i had no preseption of time, and i dont think i spelt that right but meh.. Anyways, friday night was so fun. Inbetween cleaning up leslies puke i was puking, man that was the only part of the night that wasn't that great and besides the fact that i pasted out at like 12 but what can you do... saturday night sucked, brooke couldn't come she was sick.. and i didn't drink... so instead i got high, and i still have so much of it left....(for the next time)... and then i went to sleep while watching hackers, and i was told i did so many things that i dont remeber, cuz i was asleep, i never really woke up... i do not know how i got from the couch to my bed, that remains a mystery to me... Boondog Saints is a GREAT movie, i so recomend that, if your gonna see a movie, man that was such a good movie... anyways i have a exam tomorrow so i think i will start to study now, maybe... theres no hope for me to pass that english course anyways.. so anyways cya

now i'm high, al least i think i am, and this kinda sucks cuz its depressing high not a funny funny high... maybe i should have drank

again i'm fucking drunk again, hehe its fun

I cant wait until the summer, just one more month until the park opens again, i cant wait, can you guys? Why dont you guys post in here anymore is it just me sharing my fucked up life, well i guess its just me again, at least kim your here now, you can share some of your happy goingons in your life. Anyways Pam and Ang i added my friend kim to this blog, you guys never met her but you might this summer, she was supposed to come up last year with laura but that didn't really work. Anyways i cant wait until thew park opens, the summer was so fun wether i was in ajax or at the park it was like i had two lifes and honesty the one at the park was a lot better i miss all you guys up there. Oh and as a side note, the new address for this site is germanworld.blogspot.com cuz i really dont want laura reding these anymore and she knows the old one(spiffy68.blogstop.com) but not like that matters to you guys cuz you just read what i wrote in the area were you make the posts. But just in case you wandering thats the new address for the site, if your gonna give it to anyone please ask for my permission cuz i dont fell like my life being spread around the world, very few know of this blog and thats how i would like to keep it. you are my select few of trusted people that i will let see what i post and what you guys post on here as well. Anyways get back to me on whats going in your life and how your doing, and respong ot what i have written, and if you dont really have anything to say then do whatever... i leave you with lyrics from "Summer of '69" by Bryan Adams

Oh when I look back now / That summer seemed to last forever / And if I had the choice / Ya - I'd always wanna be there / Those were the best days of my life

Ok well today was pretty good, i got to see kim, matt, leslie, and liz. Matt, leslie and liz all came down to my house to watch a movie but that didn't happen we kinda just had fights involving plastic darts, plastic bottles, coasters, fly swatters, back scratters, and anything else that we could find that would not really kill a person, then we basically just sat at my kitchen table adn talked, it was good. I got the chance to talk to leslie on how fucked up things were, and i also got the chance to talk to kim about laura, and how fucked up things were there, even though its over with me and her and we are no longer talking i still think about her all the time, its kinda strange. I can think of a song that has lines that kinda deal with how i feel, its a song by a group called Saliva, and the song is called "Always." Here are some of the lines that apply;

I love you... I hate you... / I can't get around you... / I breathe you... I taste you... / I can't live without you... / I just can't take anymore... / this life of solitude... / I guess that i'm out the door... / and now i'm done with you...

well yeah this weekend was great, so much drunkeness, and this weekend is gonna be even better, more drinking. Anyways i cant wait, well i didn't go to school today cuz i slept in and then i only had one class in the afternoon so i decided just not to go period. ah i'm at matts house tonight, leslie and matt stayed at my house last night and i didn't get to bed until 5:30 and thats why i slept in. Matt went to bed at 6:30 and leslie went to bed at 7:30 it was great, i would have gone to school if leslie woke me up when he was going to bed. but what can you do, it was fun we went and played pool. Anyways i'm done for now, so i will talk to you all later. cya