Day Ten

Secodn day at work, still here actually, just thought i'd come and post something seeing as how i'm done my day and have nothing better to do but sit here and wait for my dad to finish. Thats only gonna be around 6:30 so looks like i'm gonna be here for a while. gotta occupy myself with something. I just got my own desk, wit ha phone and everything, but what i dont have is a computer of my own, but thats gonna come soon and then i'll be able to hopefully talk on msn once i'm done work, but not while i'm still working cuz i do alot of running around and driving around, so i really am never gonna be at my desk, oh and i get a company cell phone for when i'm out on an errand they can get a hold of me and tell me to do soemthing else as well. I want to do something tonight but so far i dont know what to do, or where to go, i might just end up at matts house again watching tv and just hanging out. anyways thats enough for me on here. Still was thinking about steph today, cant get her off my mind, not that i want to. But i'd really enjoy it if her parents let me talk to her again. I mean how long can she be grounded for, hopefully not all 3 months that shes left down there. anyways i'm done for now, probably post again some time tonight. Later

Day Nine

Frist day at work, it went pretty good i get to drive cars around and shit like that. Lexi sent me an email but said not to reply because she might get in trouble and i dont wuite know what she meant by that but i just wont reply. i think it might have only been because she was at school, i think after school hours are ok but i'm not going to test that until she talkes to me about that. anyways thats it for today. Oh and by the way noelles kicked off here again, i've had enough of her and her bitchy moody attitude. so shes gone and gone for good. if she asks way i'll just tell her to fuck off. that simple. later

Day Eight

It has been a while since anybody has been on here, well except me. Anyways i dont have much else to say either except the fact that i'm hoping that stephs parents ease up a bit and let her talk to me again. I know that it is our own faults but i mean no one is perfect and every one learns from their mistakes. I guess what i'm saying is a second chance in the eyes of her parents would be a good thing. Anyways yeah got my tattoo on saturday night, its drying out now and i gotta keep trying to put creme on it, which is a pain in the ass seeing as how i cant see the tattoo completely. Gotta get help with that, dont know if it looks the way its supposed to. anyways thats enough ranting for now, later

hmmm,...been a while since ive been in here, well shit deffinately hit the fan hard this time, k, i rresally have nothing to sy so....
t

Day Five

Well this morninggot off to a rough start, i kept wakeing up every 30 mins, making a good sleep impossible. Then just as i'm getting to sleep my cat decides hes gonna start to bitch about being hungry. Well last night i picked up john, had to wait for over 45 minutes for that bastard, partly my fault, we left way too early. Meh i never been to yorkdale mall, i have no idea how long it takes. but yeah good to see him again. i didn't chill with him tho last night, instead i went home. oh well wasn't invited anyways, chris's b-day party was last night. well today is the day that i get my tattoo, lets hope that everything goes smoothly, and we dont run into any problems. well i'm done online.

"Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder"

day four, exam went well this morning, i'm pretty sure i got really close to perfect on it. i'm hoping that this whole thing blows over soon enough, cuz i dont really want it to be a long thing, a month two months i can handle that, but i hope it doesn't take that long. by the summer hopefully. anyways i'm outta here again, going to go hang out, gotta have fun when times are low. good luck to all of you

day three, still not going so good, had an exam today, completly blanked on the exam, eventually i just ended up drawing stephs name on the back of the page. i cant get it off my mind, i dont believe this has happened, its a bunch of shit is what it is. i dont see why we aren't allowed to talk. I fucken pissed at people taken away my closest friends. For fuckes sakes!

well here goes day two of not being able to talk to steph, and its being going pretty crappy. i have no one to talk to online anymore cuz kate doesn't come on anymore, and lexi is hardly on. And everyone else is alwasy busy doing something so its just me. I got some great news today, ashley is engaged, I think its great, they aren't sure yet when the wedding will be, but it'll be a while. anyways aside from that i dont have any other good news. i have an exam tomorrow morning at 8:30 i really dont want to go to the exam because i know that its gonna be hard cuz i have to deal with this whole thing on my sholders. i'm going to stay with steph all the way till the end, even if it means going for a while with out talking to her thats fine but i am nto going to leave just over this. within time this whole thing will settle and even if it has to take 4 years thats fine, by then shes 18 and she can make the choice for herself. And if 4 years is what i have to wait then it will be 4 years that i am going to wait to be able to speak with her. I do admit this whole ting has me a bit worried, but noelle and lexi talked some sense into me and made me realize that the worst possible thing that can be done is a restraining order. Although that will be a terrible thing in it self, thats basically what has been asked of me now. i dont know what much else to do aside from sit and see how this all unfolds. well thats all for tonight, and so ends another chapter in this existence which i am forced to call my life.

Here i go on my own again, once again i have lost what i cared about. I really wish i could write more but i just dont know what to say. I cant even clearly focus on what i'm doing because i dont know whats going on. I'm trying to find a song that i can relate to right now, but from my selection of music it has nothing to deal with anything of this topic. It all has to deal with losing a girl tio another guy or something like that, but nothing about losing a girl because of a request. I want to write some sort of physchological bullshit, but i cant come up with anything that makes sense. I got back from bowling with everyone at about 11:30, i had to get out and clear my mine from everything. i dont feel like doing anything right now for teh next little while, whether it be exams or go and hang out with john. on the way to blowing i actaulyl started to cry while driving, my vision became blurred, so i pulled over to the side of the road. I'm just glad noelle was there at bowling to talk to me abotu the whole thing. Laura was there too, and if we were still really good friends i might have used her for comfort just because i spent so much time with her in the past. I sit and think and think, and i try and occupy my mind but nothing cna take my mind off this whole thing. it sucks. i have lost one of my best friends, i dont understand how people can see age. If they just saw how we all hang out at the trailor they would see that age is not an issue, we all treat each other the same, and we are all equal, i bet that i couldn't even tell you how old half the people are up there, which is saying something cuz i know everyone pretty much and on a pretty good personal level as well. With jeff and jenn gone out of the park i dont know who i can out with cuz steph is pretty popular up there and is almost part of every group up there. Where as i am part of every group, there is one that she is not part of, which is my self jimmy and alfie, and i doubt they will be up there that much this year, and if they aren't then i just wont go up at all. instead i'll stay here at home in ajax probably sticking around with matt when hes not working, and probably getting pissed out of my face seeing as how there isn't anything left to do. With out someone to keep me grounded, i tend to let lose a bit, and consume large amounts of alcohol, and by large i mean half a liter striaght. I haven't drank much in a while, well minus new years but that was for specail occasion. When one meets someone that can keep them grounded and out of trouble they do change and become a more relaxed and laid back person, just being happy with what they have. When that is taken away from them, something else has to fill that void, and booze tends to be a temperrary solution to that problem but not eliminating it. Its been a long time since i have sat deep in thought because i haven't had to everything has been going fine. I started to get that bad feeling that i normally get when things come to an end today when i first got the msg sayign that steph was grounded, then it slowly passed but came back with a vengence when i found otu that her step dad called my house. Markus told me that someone was calling about a girl from the trailor park and i was in shit. I immediatly got back that bad feeling and ran upstairs to see what the matter was. And it turns out that i cannot speak to the one i care about, not even a normal conversation. What have i done? "Thinking Of The Day, When You Went Away, What A Life To Take, What A Bond To Break, I'll Be Missing You!" - thats from a song called I'll be missing you by P. Diddy and Faith Hill. Originally its a song about the death of oen of there loved ones, but i think in this case it can be adapted a little to suit the topic and situation of what is going on. You know, i'm not angry at all, just extremely upset. it strange where some guys would be angry and strong, here i am upset, crying, and shaking. I'm worried about her, i want to know how shes doing. i want to know if shes ok. i want to hear from her. this has to be one of my longest, most indepth, and depressing post yet. It has taken nearly an hour to write all this. I know it doesn't seem much for an hour but i stop everynow and again to hang my head. well its 12:38 and i just cant sit here anymore, i need to get out again, need to go and find comfort in someone but i have no one left cuz noelle is off with derek. Broken Heart For A Broken Man
- Good Bye

Well, looks like its soon gonna be just in this blog again, cuz i only let my closest friends be part of this because it is where i can share what is going on in my life and get input back on it. But thats gonna change soon because one of the people that i trust the most i'm not even allowed to talk to anymore due to a request from her stepdad. How is this all supossed to work if i cant even talk to her. This is my blog and the people that are on it are part of my life and i dont want them taken away from me, but i have no choice i have to let them go or face charges that can be brought upon me. I'm probably not going to go up to the trailor anymore because even up there i can not speak to her. i wish things didn't turn out this way, i wish i could go back in time and change what happened and what was said. I really dont know what to say anymore, nor do i know what to do. All i know is that it is safer not to comunicate in anyway anymore, but i cant take her off the blog that is something she has to do on her own. supposedly i got a email from her step dad last night but i dont remember seeing any sort of non-junk mail this morning. Steph's stepdad if you happen to be reading this i am truthfully sorry and as per your wishes i will stay away from her, although i want to ensure you that what you may assume my intensions to be, i am not that kind of person to actaully do something like that in person, im one of all talk no action, however i will respect your request. and i also just like to say good bye.

yea.. I dont know why it seems so bad without jeff and jenn being there. I only hang out with jenn when i have nuthin better to do, and jeff is annoying. It just wont be the same... I guess it will be fun when new people come. I really hope i can see you on march break! at least once... :) my dad called tonight. I told him to come pick me up early, like 2 days after i get out of school

you know what i noticed for the last five years i have always had a cold on exam week. i dont know why but i just seem to. its rather odd. anyways yeah sorry steph for worrying over something stupid and small. and yeah i haev a boat. i've had one for the last 4 years. well actually 2 cuz we sold our first one and bought a new one 2 years ago. thats gonna suck with jeff and jenn not being in the park anymore, even tho jenns a slut and jeff is really annoying at times. like that fucken match he threw down my shirt, sure steph it was a good thing for you, but not for me, it burned and melted flesh. anyways i dont really know what else to say except i am extremly bored and have nothign better to do. well talk you later. xxXxxXxx

wow, talk about copy cats. J/k. I didnt know u have a boat! i remeber this yr, me and colin took his boat out and jeannine and kayla took the canoe and we circled around them making it impossible for them to get home. muahaha. well I am getting to bed now because i am going to wake up early.. ttyl
steph

try to call me eh? hasn't happened yet, and no there is no one else, but it was easier to say talk to you all later cuz thats what i'm used to typing. stupid frenchy is here right now, my borthers friend, we met them in mexico found out that they live in ajax, my parents became friends with his, and then invited them up to the trailor. the next month they bought a trailor in the park. oh and when we bought a new boat so did they. And he was the kid that told me to shut up in my own fucken trailor, i wanted to kill the bastard, i mean to tell me to shut up in my fucken trailor, boy is he lucky hes alive. anyways thats enough bitching today. i'm just kinda sitting online waiting around for stuff hopign that she comes on but i really doubt it and i dont feel like going and doing something else so i think i'm just looking for random good quotes to put on my website. anyways night steph talk to you tomorrow, and hopefully all night long as well. xxXxxXxx

I am in school and it is so boring!*yawn* when you said "I will talk to you all later" does that mean that there are more people in here? I dont care I am just wondering. well I am going to go. But i will try to call u today. ttyl, bye bye

hmm what to write. there was this post i had before that was just a draft and i dotn remeber if i ever posted it but i probably did cuz i dotn forget about stuff like that, anyways i've been working on my site alittle, its taking along time cuz i ahve to write all the coding for it myself. but check out how much i got so far, the quotes page doesn't work yet and the pictures page doesn't ahve anything on it yet, i need to get some pictures to put up there, but i think its mostly gonna be people from the trailor cuz those are the olny pictures i got of people. anyways thats enough for me. i'm gonna create more poems so talk to you all later.

Poems by Lonely Men

Fish?

As I sit here, I watch the birds go by,
Oh they fly so high.
But as you know, I sit here alone, on my own

As I sit here, and look at the screen,
I realise this is not a dream.
For as you know, I sit here alone, on my own

As I sit here, and wait for a task,
I open my flask.
For as you know, I sit here alone, on my own

As I sit here, and think to myself,
I discover that I am by myself.
For as you know, I sit here alone, on my own.

As I sit here, and write you this,
I think of the fish.
That are all together, not alone, and not on their own.

Oh how I wish I was one of those fish.

March 15, 2004

So starts another day, so far nothing has gone right. It all started this morning when there was no hot water. Although I survived this ordeal, I was faced with an even greater challenge my computer would not start. My only connection to a pay check is not working. After trashing around for awhile, I discover that my computer was unplugged from the wall. And that is how my day began. As I sitting here in my dark little one room apartment, just waiting for what my next job. I wonder what it will be, maybe a cartoon, maybe a movie, maybe a commercial. Who knows? I just finished making a commercial for a relationship help phone line. From making that commercial I learned that the help phone line seems to be a good idea. I haven’t had any luck with my social life, I think this is the reason why I am sitting here talking to a computer. It this how my life will stay? Will I be alone forever? I think I need some help; maybe a doctor would do some good, too many questions. My life reminds of that guy in that movie, the one that started with an ‘M.’ Oh I don’t know, all I know is that the guy was a hacker and he stayed in his apartment and his only contact with people was someone occasionally coming to his door to buy a piece of software. But the difference between me and that guy is that I don’t get to go on any adventures or follow the white rabbit. Hey! The white rabbit, do you think that, that part of the movie was supposed to be taken from Alice in Wonderland? I was told the other day that I’m insane, can you believe that? But what if I really am? Could it be the isolation and the loneliness, I think I should get out more often. That’s what I’ll start doing. Tonight, right after I finish my work today.

March 16, 2004

Ok so new day, this day went a lot better then my last. Last night I actually went out for the first time in awhile, it was quite fun. I actually met someone. They came up to me though, because I didn’t have the nerve to go up to them and introduce my self. But we got to know each other and I’m going out again tomorrow. But as for today I think I might just relax and continue working. Maybe taking a time out to do something else, what that will be I have no idea it all depends on what’s going on in my mind. But as for now its time to get to work on this new animated short film.

so whats new everyone, well technically its really only me and steph cuz ang doesn't post at all so i think i'll get rid of her. i dont really know what else to say cuz i dont feel like bitching about crap cuz i'm in a good mood but i probably wont be once noelle gets a chance to talk to me. Oh well she can go lick a dogs nut. i was listening to a song by sean paul today i dont know it was called but its number 11 on the cd. it put me in a good mood and then i started to miss the trailor and the dances and maken ass off myself. i cant wait till the trailor, i fucken hate it here in ajax. the people here piss me off after a while.

well on monday i went to no classes, on tuesday i went to 2 classes, today i went to one class, hehe, and am i supposed to have 3 classes a day. haha i found out i'm for sure gonna fail english i got a 33% so far and that means to pass i have to get perfect on the exam and the isu essay but guess what, that was due today and i didn't do it so lalalala.... hehe failing for the second time now hahaha, oh well looks like night school for me... meh, anyways steph i sent you a text msg from my phone at around 1 your time, i dotn know if you sent me anything and if you did i probably didn't get it. which sucks, gonna have to look into that. anyways its 3 here and i'm home, gonna be waiting for people to come online, steph i think your back to normal coming on at 4 my time. and wow only 2c thats not too bad its -8c here so consider your self lucky. anyways talk to you then. cya

Im cant sleep at all! I am not tierd.lalalalalalalalala. I am doing laundry because I have nothing better to do........... BOO! well well well, school tomorrow. I dont feel like it. This vaccation wasnt long enough. Its cold!!!!!! I woke up today and it was FREEZING! Its 2°C Its gotta be a world record for texas or something!whats next? snow?! haha I wish.
steph

i didn't get any msg from you steph are you sure you got the right number? and did you get my msg from my phone? whats going on with all the msg thingies... they are messed up... anyways its 3:00 in TX and no sign of steph hopefully i will see her online later on tonight.

Tonight was fun, we saw a hobo when we were in the woods. We went walking pretty far and than down to the mall, where we got kicked out of home depot for spinning on the carpet rolls.I dont even know why we went in there.Oh well, I am going to bed now. Ill try to get online tomorrow. I dont know. At 2:30 i go get my hair dyed back, and than its my moms birthday so we will probably go somewhere.... well i sent you a message dan. well Ill talk to you both later. goodnight. have fun at school......:-D(jk)
-steph

ok i dont quite understand your post put thats ok, anyways my cars fucked, i was on my way to the movies and my head gasket went so now i got no car :( other than that today i have done nothing but apply for university... yeah go me, like i really want to go, i dont feel like doing anything anymore. Anyways i started this post yesterday and i think now i'll finish it... i had a good time today at school, didn't go to a single class hehe so fun.... other then that i'm home now waiting for steph to come online... but shes probably still sleeping, hope she gets the message i sent her on her phone... anyways cya

Wow, look up almost as long as me, bet your nights came newhere close to as shitty as mine....quite glad Leslie was there, and my ancle still aches a little, walls are hard:S, atleast Derek's bed is comfy, i think i now love his mother

i havent posted in a while. i keep forgetting to. It took an hour to make my webpage, and than i got kicked off and didnt save it, so its gone.. okay well Im goin to bed. goodnight

***wind blows dust and leaves across the page***

Well for those who aren't gonna bit my head off today, i hope you have fun doing whatever, maybe i'l find something to do, cuz my grandparents are coming over for dinner, lol, first time my familly gets them to themselves.Man oh man is my belly button swollen it's actually bad:S meh guess i'll just have to wait it out then...
Noelle

I'll give you your fucking $$$, don't wory glad you trust me so much Dan, don't worry I wopn't bother nemore

hey noelle next time i give you my cell phone try only using to call your parents like you said you would, insted of spending almost 10 dollars talking to richard, derek and then sending tons of text messages to derek they charge for that shit. you went through $10 in two days, i cant even do that.

hehe, today i have to go out and buy the salads cd so that i can finish my mp3 cd. i have run out of cds to put on there so i just started buying cds so that i could put them on there. But of course they are good cds that i would listen to even if i wasn't making a mp3 cd. but i wouldn't have bought so many at the same time. i think i'm for sure going broke quickly. anyways i'm gonna get off the net for a little while, so i can put the good charlotte cd on the mp3. hehe cya everyone later.

First of the year:D nice , newaz your welcome dan and yeah i got the phone tho you know that already lol, and maybe you should think twice bout that drink....Why hasn't Steph posted in a while? newaz i'm off to bed now so i can catch up on sleep, lol, i'll see you later Dan so you can have your phone back, lol

WOO HOO FIRST POST OF THE NEW YEAR!!!

thanks noelle for taken care of me last night, that was so sweet of you. wow waking up this morning hurt. other then that it was a good night, and my dads surprised that i can remeber all of it. my moms just pissed shes not talking to me. kate says that i remind her of george of the jungle. i think i found my new drink from now on. Striaght fireball. hmmm so good. but i drank too much last night. right now i dont were my cell phone is i think noelle has it. and then i know leslie has my hat cuz he took it from me on the walk back to the train. but i dont know what he did with it. :( he better still have it and i hope noelle didn't lose my phone, but i doubt it, shes pretty good with that kinda stuff. anyways thats enough aside from I GOT TO SEE THE SALADS LIVE!!!