Here i go on my own again, once again i have lost what i cared about. I really wish i could write more but i just dont know what to say. I cant even clearly focus on what i'm doing because i dont know whats going on. I'm trying to find a song that i can relate to right now, but from my selection of music it has nothing to deal with anything of this topic. It all has to deal with losing a girl tio another guy or something like that, but nothing about losing a girl because of a request. I want to write some sort of physchological bullshit, but i cant come up with anything that makes sense. I got back from bowling with everyone at about 11:30, i had to get out and clear my mine from everything. i dont feel like doing anything right now for teh next little while, whether it be exams or go and hang out with john. on the way to blowing i actaulyl started to cry while driving, my vision became blurred, so i pulled over to the side of the road. I'm just glad noelle was there at bowling to talk to me abotu the whole thing. Laura was there too, and if we were still really good friends i might have used her for comfort just because i spent so much time with her in the past. I sit and think and think, and i try and occupy my mind but nothing cna take my mind off this whole thing. it sucks. i have lost one of my best friends, i dont understand how people can see age. If they just saw how we all hang out at the trailor they would see that age is not an issue, we all treat each other the same, and we are all equal, i bet that i couldn't even tell you how old half the people are up there, which is saying something cuz i know everyone pretty much and on a pretty good personal level as well. With jeff and jenn gone out of the park i dont know who i can out with cuz steph is pretty popular up there and is almost part of every group up there. Where as i am part of every group, there is one that she is not part of, which is my self jimmy and alfie, and i doubt they will be up there that much this year, and if they aren't then i just wont go up at all. instead i'll stay here at home in ajax probably sticking around with matt when hes not working, and probably getting pissed out of my face seeing as how there isn't anything left to do. With out someone to keep me grounded, i tend to let lose a bit, and consume large amounts of alcohol, and by large i mean half a liter striaght. I haven't drank much in a while, well minus new years but that was for specail occasion. When one meets someone that can keep them grounded and out of trouble they do change and become a more relaxed and laid back person, just being happy with what they have. When that is taken away from them, something else has to fill that void, and booze tends to be a temperrary solution to that problem but not eliminating it. Its been a long time since i have sat deep in thought because i haven't had to everything has been going fine. I started to get that bad feeling that i normally get when things come to an end today when i first got the msg sayign that steph was grounded, then it slowly passed but came back with a vengence when i found otu that her step dad called my house. Markus told me that someone was calling about a girl from the trailor park and i was in shit. I immediatly got back that bad feeling and ran upstairs to see what the matter was. And it turns out that i cannot speak to the one i care about, not even a normal conversation. What have i done? "Thinking Of The Day, When You Went Away, What A Life To Take, What A Bond To Break, I'll Be Missing You!" - thats from a song called I'll be missing you by P. Diddy and Faith Hill. Originally its a song about the death of oen of there loved ones, but i think in this case it can be adapted a little to suit the topic and situation of what is going on. You know, i'm not angry at all, just extremely upset. it strange where some guys would be angry and strong, here i am upset, crying, and shaking. I'm worried about her, i want to know how shes doing. i want to know if shes ok. i want to hear from her. this has to be one of my longest, most indepth, and depressing post yet. It has taken nearly an hour to write all this. I know it doesn't seem much for an hour but i stop everynow and again to hang my head. well its 12:38 and i just cant sit here anymore, i need to get out again, need to go and find comfort in someone but i have no one left cuz noelle is off with derek. Broken Heart For A Broken Man
- Good Bye