ok well heres what i have to say about yesterday, i was fine for the last two weeks. never said a think about laura and i was never upset abot her even if we did argue and leslie and chris decide that its a good idea to throw it all back in my face, just as im making steps towards getting over it. so i do thank the two of you. And yes i am alittle mad, and confused as to why it needed to happen. I can understand that i asked a question that i shouldn't have and i am sorry for that but i cant change that now. I feel that the events fo yesterday were not needed. because it seems like it was mostly pointed at me, and you guys dont know when i go home what happens. so you cant figure that i'm not getting over her or not. Oh and something me and liz noticed. When i said i wasn't upset about laura all week or last week he kept asking about the week before that but when it came to liz being upset he said that, that was the past and that didn't matter cuz she was ok now. So chris contridicted him self there, and another thing, when i first started talking to laura again, she said that she would respect the fact that i would get upset if they were acting really close and shit and then one day she told me that chris asked why he should let go of someone he loves. Now the question i ask is why should i let go of someone i love. its the same god damn thing, except laura loves him and not me, althought i dont think many of you know this but she did tell me last week that she still did love me and she always will. but she is with chris and loves him and wants to be with him more then anything else. So the only exception now is that he has her and i dont. So tell me again why should i let go of some i love, why should chris. I can see why he doesn't want to let go of her, but you all have to understand that i dont want to either. Leslie you once told me that when your heart is set on someone you will do anything to get that person. Now i'm not saying i'm doing shit to get to her, i'm just saying that my heart is set on her and you guys are telling me that i shouldn't. Who do you guys think you are that you can tell me who i can and can not love. So yesterdays events i see was only based on two things, me not getting over her and me asking that question. So basically i ruled out the getting over her, and all it really it should have been was about the question, and that could have been done on a one on one conversation, or maybe a conversation just between me leslie chris and laura. I dont mean to offend anyone in this post i am just writing out my thoughts and feels and this is the way i am going to deal with what happened yesterday. And if you have a problem with the way i'm dealing with it, talk to me one on one and we can sort something out, cuz i dont want to lose friends. cuz you guys are all that i have here in ajax. I'm slowly moving my life away from laura, because i haven't seen her out side of school alot, only in english and it has helped that i dont see her at all cuz then i dont think about it, same goes for chris. So to conclude, i might not be going up to matts cottage because, seeing chris and laura together reminds me of the fact that they are together and that is something i want to forget. And if i see them it doesn't help at all, i dont mean to ruin shit for you guys but i am doing this for myself so that things can work out, because, as leslie put it we have to get along and get rid of the shit that is plaqueing our minds. cya have a good weekend, i know if it doesn't rain i will have one. byebye