well it seems like its still the 26 of march, and its just a really really long bad day. i dont know what else to say except thats it, its done. so i sit here with my bottle of bacardi and look into this mainly white screen as a letter appears on the screen with every press of the keybroad. you know i dnot really know what i want to say, i dont know what would come out if i keep writing. people always say its good to write your problems out. but what happens when there are no words for your problem? march.... march... for some reason this last two weeks in march are a curse in my life. and same with the week of my birthday. its always terrible.. for the last 3 years i have never enjoyed my birthday. you know once i'd like to feel what its like to actually have a good birthday. so much, so much.. so much of something but i dont know what it is. its getting harder and harder to write. the words cant seem to form themselves in my mind. i'm starting to slow down. i cant breathe normally... nor can i speak all i can do is type and thats getting harder too. my fingers aren't catching the keys so you can imagine how many mistakes i have already made and gone back and corrected. well thats it. thats all that is coming out of my head right now. i cant thnk anymore... i need to take a vacation, some where far away at a resort or something.